She Explains It ALL: #Boys

“I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.”
― Marilyn Monroe

I HATE MEN That doesn’t mean I’m not physically attracted to them or I don’t desire to have sex with a man… but I DAMN Sure HATE MEN. When I was younger I remember having a best friend name Shaquasia (Her name has been changed for security purposes). Now you could say that me and Shaquasia was like night and day, we disagreed about EVERYTHING but one thing is for sure we had the same taste in guys. The guys Shaquasia thought was cute so did I , the guys I like Shaquasia would like & most likely she got them. Now as a best friend in those days I couldn’t be jealous or mad because I never had a boyfriend or wanted one. But one day this boy named Omar who was Shaquasia’s boyfriends friend at the time asked me out, & I was happy for once im about to have my 1^st boyfriend who’s like 14 & im 12… after 5 minutes of going out he broke up with me & laughed at me in my face while I cried, Shaquasia comforted me by saying “it wasn’t you Mills, it was him”.

Fast Forward 2 Years im 14 in a new school called Roberto Clemente MS , now I was known for getting more sidekicks then Paris Hilton I had the 3 the LX and the LX 09 but at the time I met a boy named Woo Woo I had a 3. I really liked this kid even though my best friend at the time named Sarah liked him too and he liked her back. But one day I grew balls and broke the girl code I asked Woo Woo out, like sho I aint have nothing to lose so why not right? I asked him out and he said yes, but right after I was telling him how happy I was he asked if he could use my sidekick all day… he was my boyfriend so yeah why not. We was going out for 5 periods (one period = 45 mins.) at lunch I was sitting with my girls and he was sitting with his guys then one of my guy friends came up to me and said “Woo Woo said its over” I had to show no emotion, I took my phone back and walked away. When I asked my guy friend why he broke up with me, he said “I don’t know I just said so you go out with Kamilah everybody laughed and he said to tell you its over”

So here I am insecure and hurt by those two major events of my life and when I finally came to the decision that I will look for a guy who can love and cherish me, It was disspointment after disappointment after another. If they didn’t want a relationship, they wasn’t interested in nothing but casual sex, if I wasn’t bipolar I was too attached. It was always “my fault” why I couldn’t keep a guy but now I realized its not ! & This is why I resent men, now they don’t want nothing but sex beauty and a person who can dress with the top name brands. Im sorry im not the lightskin beauty you want me to be im only human and I was born this way. Im smart and have a great personality doesn’t that matter?

To The MANY Males Who SHITTED ON ME

Thank you, You’ve opened my eyes to what I deserve and what I don’t and I damn sure don’t deserve a guy who can’t like me for me. If you can’t handle my insecurities, my needy moments, my jealous rages, but you can handle me when I’m all sweet and sensual and motherly then you don’t deserve me at all. SCREW YOU.

xOxo

Kenya West

Lately I've been giving B the hardest time, i've given him attitude, i've text him with nothing to say. I feel just flat out angry at him, I HATE HIM, I LOVE HIM, I'M LIVING HIM, I'M STAYING WITH HIM , All this bullshit & When He Ask "WHY YOUR ACTING LIKE THIS" I Have to brush him of.
Dear B,
I've known you for 7 months and I I've grown to like you in a way where its just so complicated .. Its TOO complicated. The time, the friends with benefits, the night when i'm with you play fighting, the sex. When i think about us its just too complexed to even think about.
Maybe I love him, should I tell him? But what what if he doesn't love me what if he gets angry at me or scared. FUCK! Will I even have the balls to say HEY, heres this letter I love you be mines. Hell No I WON'T , fuck it let me stop procasinating and write this letter.
~~I feel like .. like I just want to be with you.~~
This is shit he knows already, He definitely doesn't want to hear this again. OMG WHY IS THIS SO HARD WHY AM I MAKING IT SO COMPLEXED, Just flat out SAY IT, Hey B.. I Like You Alot The Reason why im MAD @ you all the time because you dont want to be with me but you always want to write me and see you and sh_t.
Lately, I've been mad with you, its because I really like you and you say you like me so why can't we be together. "Because im NOT Ready", how can you not be ready to be with someone but always want to see me, always wanna talk to me, and do stuff couples do. Fuck The Commitment. Its not hard to not have sex with everyone its not like your just cutting off everyone in the world.
This is totally pointless :( ,
IDKKKKKK IDKKKKKKK FUCKKKKK >:(

Relationship = Stress
Am I REALLY READY FOR A RELATIONSHIPP .. ?
Or is my loneliness burning for someone to fill the emptiness ...

xOxO
Kamilah <3

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