Sunday, April 8, 2012
What being heartbroken so many times taught me
Being hurt so many times taught me so many things, it taught me how to cry for people you may or may not have really cared for. I've cared for so many people in the course of two years its ridiculous.
Yesterday I decided to end things with K.B. i gave her an ultimatum, me or her exes - and evidently she chose her exes.
That taught me two things: "Love" is strong & Not every break up is neccesarily my fault.
I put "love" in quotations because what K.B. feels for her exes maybe love, but what she recieve in return is a mere "I want to be with you". I've learned that love isn't how long you've known your significant other or how many times you have sex or when you have sex. It what you feel..
Before today i blamed all my failed attempts at a relationship on me, its not really my fault though. It was others who couldn't handle such a deep affection i was willing to show, or couldn't handle my "realness" as my Bro would put it. With Mike it wasn't me being too pushy, it was him who wasn't able to handle the thing he started. With B it wasn't me, it was him who lied and manipulated me into thnking one way when it was the other, with Mel it wasnt me it was him who wanted more than being close he wanted sex.
Maybe i am too weak sometimes, but I DONT CARE <3
- Kamilah
Saturday, March 31, 2012
Kenya On OFWGKTA
Hola mi amores, come esta?
Its yours truly KENYA back with my bullshit. Idk if Kamilah told you or
not, but a couple of weeks ago she went to her first concert (yaaaay). She went
to an OFWGKTA concert. Now if you are completely oblivious to life itself, OFWGKTA
stands for Odd Future Wolf Gang Kill Them All. It’s a super rap/skater group
based in California started by this awesome guy called Tyler the Creator. In
this group contains many rappers, singer, producers and skaters.
My first encounter with Odd Future started last year around this time when
I was chilling with my guy friends discussing music. Now I’m just a music
FANATIC ask me about hip hop and rap and I’ll make it a huge discussion. My
friend Goes:
“Hey Milah, You heard this new album my Tyler the Creator called Goblin”
My reply “Uhm , know I don’t even know who that is”
He just looked at me with a blank stare and asked “What rock do you live
under?”
So I went home with that on the back of my mind and proceeded with life
carelessly (as usual). One morning while I’m getting ready for school, and was
blasting MTV, I heard this dope beat. The beat was unusual and then I turn to
the screen to see this black and white screen with a guy wrapping on a stool in
a supreme hat playing with a roach. He eats the roach throw it up his eyes goes
black and then he hangs himself. But besides that his rap was tuff, and I had
to hear more so I looked up his lyrics and found the song “Yonkers” which I fell
in love with. I found Tyler the Creator , so I download his album fell in love
with it.
Months after listening to OF mixtapes albums and watching their videos I
became obessesd with the group, they’re amazing and talented individuals that
are just like us, non conforming teens that don’t need society to tell them
that they “fit in or belong”
Check them out, Here are some of my faves:
The Internet - Cocaine
Tyler the Creator ft. Hodgy Beats - French!
Tyler the Creator ft. Frank Ocean - She
Saturday, March 24, 2012
Relationship Complexities
Every woman has her breaking point. But I don’t even know
where mines begin or ends. I’ve been through so many ups and downs it’s like I never
learn. Last week (the week before if memory serves me right) I broke things off
with B. It was bound to fail I should’ve known, but it was for the best. I also
became friends with Hazel, after weeks of persuading her to be in a
relationship with me. Things never really work in my favor though. While B was
telling me “I’m not ready for a relationship” he was in a RELATIONSHIP WITH
ANOTHER FEMALE. Yes I got played, yes I was hurt but what can a girl do? Then
Hazel was telling me we should “be friends” yet she’s over talking to the next
girl.
I’m not sure why I continuously get played like a fiddle but
I don’t really have time or strength to question why. So my fellow readers the
characters Hazel and B are dead , I would like to announce a new character . .
KB .
KB is a girl I knew since my freshman year of High School,
now knowing me I can be very naïve and blind but I don’t know why I never found
her attractive until this year. After some conversation me and KB became close
and I had to tell my BFF about her.
While KB flirted I thought we were just carrying on with conversation.
My BFF had to slap some sense into me to tell me that the girl wanted me. I
decided to give her a chance and I felt as though we clicked , there was an
apparent bond between us that I liked. BUT AS ALWAYS WITH ME THERE WAS A CATCH.
Now my friends think I should just play the friend role be the one she cries
on but I don’t like wasting time and lord
knows my time is gonna be wasted . . idkkk man
-
Kamilah
Thursday, January 26, 2012
Poetry That Explains Me ALL !!
" Why I Love Jesus, But Hate Religion "
"Fuck I Look Like"
"Woman To Woman"
" Wife , Woman , Friend "
Labels:
#Life,
#Poetry,
#rants,
#Videos
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Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Faded Friends
“I Love My Real Women, F_ck The Fake Hoes, I
Be Asking God Why He Even Make Those?”
-
‘Really Tho’ Fabolous
Lately
I’ve been losing massive friends, all my “best friends”, “brothers” people who I
thought I was really close to are vanishing out of thin air. But for some
reason I can’t bring myself to care? I don’t know why but I really just don’t
care.
A few
days ago me and one of my “besties” got in an argument, here’s how it all
started:
My
views on making fun of people are:
1.
Don’t make fun of those who can’t
defend themselves vocally
2.
Never go more than 5 minutes of
making fun of them
3.
Always tell them to their face
whether its nicely or mean, LET THEM KNOW
Now do
I ALWAYS follow them, not necessarily, but do I try to? YES. But these views
make my friends believe that I’m a hypocrite because “I always make fun of
people”. To call me a hypocrite is honestly
the WORST insult you can say to me (excluding racial/derogatory terms). And as
a FRIEND or a BESTFRIEND I expect you to either shut up or speak up. But she
chose to defend the person who called me a hypocrite and I found that very
hurtful. So from that day forward I chose not to speak to her anymore. Not only
because of this situation but I felt as though I friendship has ran its course
and that just happened to be the final straw for me. But she couldn’t let it
go. She wanted to make a scene and make me look like a fool!
IF I DON’T MENTION YOUR NAME
ONCE, I DON’T CARE FOR YOU !
At my
lunch period, these older girls who think they are better than others because
they wear name brand were there so I felt the need to vent about it to
Facebook. Someone showed her my rants and she basically said I spend all my
money on food, which has some truth to it. I do spend my money on food because I
love to eat. But I also spend my money on clothes and finer things in life.
That night I decided to express my dislike for her by calling her fake because
she is. Lets just say she says things about people who she hang out with that
she really shouldn’t J well whatever we exchanged
word & I said what I had to say. THAT CHAPTER OF MY LIFE IS CLOSED!
..
However a couple of days ago another one opened. One of my “brothers” from
middle school whom I had a crush on since 3rd grade to about 6th
grade texted in an angry rage because he heard that me and my best friend
Regina was talking about him. Whatever I say to one person is NO ONE ELSES
BUSINESS BUT ME AND THAT PERSON I DON’T CARE WHO ITS ABOUT. I have the right to
say whatever about whomever as long as what I say is true & whatever me and
Regina discusses is pure facts. He was saying thing in a disrespectful way so I
had to tell him off! Because of my slick mouth and quick thinking NOW he wants
to send people to beat me up (which I know will never happen), I don’t do well
with childish threats and that’s how I will always keep it. I’m pretty mature
for my age so the last thing I need is DRAMA from IRRELEVANT PEOPLE.
Lesson Learned: Chose Your
Friends and CIRCLE WISELY.
XoXo
Kamilah BJ
Labels:
#Bullshit,
#friendships,
#Kamilah,
#Life,
#venting
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Why We Need To Vote For Obama
Why We Need To
Re-Elect Obama
1.
Osama Bin Laden Was Killed Under His Administration
2.
Unemployment Rate is At 8.5% & Is Decreasing
3.
1.6 Million jobs has been created under his Administration
4.
22 Months of Jobs and Economic Growth under his
Administration
5.
The War in Iraq Was Ended Under His Administration
6.
DADT was repealed Under His Administration
7.
No Tax Hikes in 3 Years
8.
Racism in the GOP hasn’t been present under his
Administration
9.
He Had The Same Wife For 15 Years Without Cheating On Her
10.
GM is back as the #1
Automobile Manufacture
11.
Khaddafi, the Egyptian
Dictator, was ousted under His Administration
12.
He a recipient of the
Nobel Peace Prize while still being in office
13.
Mortgage is being
modified so home owners wont lose their homes
14.
Still Fighting for the
MIDDLE CLASS
15.
Bringing Equality
Amongst classes in terms of Taxes
16.
Affordable Healthcare
OBAMA
May Have Not Fixed Things As Fast Or Spectacular as we would have liked but hes
DOING SOMETHING & He’s got a lot done while being in office, & He Has SO MUCH MORE TO DO .. SO Lets All Give Him 4 More YEARS !!!!!!!!!!!!
She Explains It ALL is OFFICIALLY
SUPPORTING OBAMA/BIDEN for 2012 J
Labels:
#2012,
#Election2012,
#News,
#Obama,
#random,
#rants
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Monday, January 16, 2012
My Resentment of Men
“I'm selfish, impatient and a little
insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But
if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at
my best.”
― Marilyn Monroe
― Marilyn Monroe
I
HATE MEN That doesn’t mean I’m not
physically attracted to them or I don’t desire to have sex with a man… but I DAMN
Sure HATE MEN. When I was younger I remember having a best friend name
Shaquasia (Her name has been changed for security purposes). Now you could say
that me and Shaquasia was like night and day, we disagreed about EVERYTHING but
one thing is for sure we had the same taste in guys. The guys Shaquasia thought
was cute so did I , the guys I like Shaquasia would like & most likely she
got them. Now as a best friend in those days I couldn’t be jealous or mad
because I never had a boyfriend or wanted one. But one day this boy named Omar
who was Shaquasia’s boyfriends friend at the time asked me out, & I was
happy for once im about to have my 1st boyfriend who’s like 14 &
im 12… after 5 minutes of going out he broke up with me & laughed at me in
my face while I cried, Shaquasia comforted me by saying “it wasn’t you Mills,
it was him”.
Fast Forward 2 Years im 14 in a new school
called Roberto Clemente MS , now I was known for getting more sidekicks then
Paris Hilton I had the 3 the LX and the LX 09 but at the time I met a boy named
Woo Woo I had a 3. I really liked this kid even though my best friend at the
time named Sarah liked him too and he liked her back. But one day I grew balls
and broke the girl code I asked Woo Woo out, like sho I aint have nothing to
lose so why not right? I asked him out and he said yes, but right after I was
telling him how happy I was he asked if he could use my sidekick all day… he
was my boyfriend so yeah why not. We was going out for 5 periods (one period =
45 mins.) at lunch I was sitting with my girls and he was sitting with his guys
then one of my guy friends came up to me and said “Woo Woo said its over” I had
to show no emotion, I took my phone back and walked away. When I asked my guy
friend why he broke up with me, he said “I don’t know I just said so you go out
with Kamilah everybody laughed and he said to tell you its over”
So here I am insecure and hurt by those
two major events of my life and when I finally came to the decision that I will
look for a guy who can love and cherish me, It was disspointment after disappointment
after another. If they didn’t want a relationship, they wasn’t interested in
nothing but casual sex, if I wasn’t bipolar I was too attached. It was always “my
fault” why I couldn’t keep a guy but now I realized its not ! & This is why I resent men, now they don’t want nothing but
sex beauty and a person who can dress with the top name brands. Im sorry im not
the lightskin beauty you want me to be im only human and I was born this way.
Im smart and have a great personality doesn’t that matter?
To
The MANY Males Who SHITTED ON ME
Thank
you, You’ve opened my eyes to what I deserve and what I don’t and I damn sure don’t
deserve a guy who can’t like me for me. If you can’t handle my insecurities, my
needy moments, my jealous rages, but you can handle me when I’m all sweet and
sensual and motherly then you don’t deserve me at all. SCREW YOU.
xOxo
Kenya West
Labels:
#Boys,
#Kenya,
#Kenya #Love #Relationships #Boys,
#rants,
#relationsips
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